She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This baby is an asshole
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
