Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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