I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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