Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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