U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
