nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
