I just saw a hot homeless man
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
