Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
