He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
