Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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