I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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