I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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