Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
