I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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