just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
