I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize