Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
