he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
