i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
