Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
