I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Those nachos came to me in a dream
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
