Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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