I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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