Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's rum buckets o'clock
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
