This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
