i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
