Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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