i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish you could order shots online.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
