Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
