Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
