dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
