i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
