we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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