While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
