I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
