she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
