I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
