i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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