u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
