woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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