The brown eye won't let me do that either.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
