Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i now understand why vodka
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
