I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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