i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
