My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
