I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
