census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
