so explain again why im purple
no
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
