def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
