I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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