This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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