Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
