totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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