So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
