Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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