$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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