All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
