Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
