Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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