I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
