I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
