Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
