Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
