This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
