Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
