I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
