Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
