I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
