vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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