I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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