You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
