Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
