if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
