Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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