Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
