i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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