We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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