Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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