The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
