Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
