so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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