I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
