so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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