she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
