peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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