my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
