I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
