I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
