You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
