nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
