my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Fuck appropriateness.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
