Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize