Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
