if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
