it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
